I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You are a genius and a whore.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
