Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
