all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
