I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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