You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
