I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
