The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
