All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
