I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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