I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
