Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
