I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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