I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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