If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
