Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
