Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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