After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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