He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I wish you could order shots online.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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