she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
