how can u be prego again
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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