I just pynch a tree in the face
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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