Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
