Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
