she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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