I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
