you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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