I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
