you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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