His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
