don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
