This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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