On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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