Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
