Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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