i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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