Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
