just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
