How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My liver just had a heart attack.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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