You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
