I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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