May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
