You just made me feel so damn special
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
