There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize