based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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