[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
