It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
