I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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