does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
