Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
