so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
