What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
