Me too!
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
