Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Someone shit on the floor
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
